The way in which a man and a woman interact could be coldly calculated through Darwinism and the evolution of species or it could be romanticized upon as a poet does in love poems.
When I was in my teens, there was an innate desire to understand and feel love. The love that my parents had for one another. It was understandable. I wanted to replicate it. Why? Monkey does as monkey sees? Also, because of instinct I suppose. What a romantic child I was and in somewhat turned me into a romantic man (and I am a man because I am old enough).
To create love and cherish it. I have wanted that for so long but I have had to settle for several distractions that which life can offer such as music, learning about the world, and competition in video games. I almost feel like getting love isn't very natural for me. Being a human, you would think getting love to be somewhat natural. Sadly, asking for love is very natural...getting love, now that's not so natural. You could even say that not getting love is kind of natural. After all, women seek the best genes and chances for their offspring, so they often choose not to give love back to whose whom they see as unworthy.
But that hasn't really stopped me. Not many girls have liked me that way in life and though the few that have I haven't been interested on. That's funny. I am almost like a beggar of love and should probably take whatever I can get. But, I see more good in people now than I have seen before, and that makes me reconsider liking the type of people who I haven't liked before. I think people are wonderful even if they are bad. There is something wonderful about people that which cannot be taken away by anything. That's probably why a lot of people don't believe in the death penalty.
Way to get sidetracked. Well, even though, I don't have love, I am quite content with life.
Today, going back from my way to work, there was a considerable amount of fog. I was on my car driving. I didn't realize I was on the wrong lane and I was heading straight to this car coming directly at me. I am very distracted sometimes while I am driving. The car in front of me was freaking out. He was turning his lights off, stopping and getting near as much as he could to the sidewalk. I realized of this long before anything disastrous could happen and I changed lanes chuckling to myself and making a note in my head to be more careful. I feel bad for the person driving the other car. I am just glad nothing serious happened.
I just know that from now on, I will be more careful.
I wonder what the person driving the other car is thinking about right now. Probably, drinking tea and watching his/her favorite TV show to calm himself. I wish I could say I am sorry without having to hear him swear at me and threaten to call the police. Because that is just unnecessarily unpleasant.
So, back to my thoughts on love.
I was a teenager once. And you know what they say, teenagers must sow their wild oats. I was actually a really really really good kid. Mostly because I was religious. Now that I am not religious, I am a very bad bad man. Okay, I am just kidding. I had this huge crush on this person whom I actually kept having a crush on and off for seven years. I would fantasize a lot about being together. It was mostly in my head. The times I had the chance to speak to her, I would freak out, not know what to say and be shy as one can be. I am guessing I acted that way because I wasn't very confident at all. And perhaps therein lies most of my issues with women. Though, I am thinking being confident isn't that hard now. It is about believing in yourself and believing you can get the results that which you want. I think getting the results you want is the hard part. I imagine I am contradicting myself. I have a long way to go.
Either way, since my teenage years, I have admired this person. The idea of someone like her has inspired me plenty and even though such inspiration hasn't really brought me much good. It was brought me a lot of things to learn from. And I can only hope I wasn't too much of a bother to her. I hate to think I was creepy to her or that she thought I was stalking her. The truth is that I admired her. That I have thought her to be an incredible person. I was always amazed as to what she could accomplish. And I have been very curious as to how her life would turn out to be. I do not feel love any more or any kind of infatuation towards her. She has said no to me dating her so many times that I haven't the heart to continue feeling something for her. I've been over that for a long time. Now I just simply think she is one of the most wonderful persons I have met that are in my age range. Someone with one of the highest potentials to be great. And of course, I would want people like that to be my friend. Or at least to know what she is up to from time to time. Surely, only very interesting things can come from her and I am very fond of interesting things whatever they may be.
There are, in fact, a lot of interesting people in the world. And it is always fun finding them. Though, as time passes by, I am finding interesting people everywhere. Maybe the reason being that I find interesting things in people that I haven't really seen beefore. I think that anyone can be good at something and that something is that which makes them interesting.
I suppose it is time for love monologue from today. But I do want to take a break from that. And take a moment to feel the love that I have for life. Okay, I guess it is a love monologue after all. I love life. I love my family. I love people. I might not love my job that much specially when they make me work on holidays. At this rate, I am going to be very sad when I am old and when it becomes time to leave this world. I am afraid I would become very much attached to this world and very much used to living to ever get used to being dead.
I am looking forward for the lucky girl who ends up with me. I guess in some sense, she would also being unlucky. I am not perfect but such is the human condition. However, let's just hope and work for her being mostly lucky.
Until then I suppose I will keep on reading classic novels.
To whoever reads this, I am sorry about all the typos.
I wish you good luck, love, and the wish to work hard in 2017.