So, here are my thoughts...
Don't you get it? I am too smart to have any thoughts. Alright, at least, let's say that I am funny.
But my humour is too smart for most people to get? AGHHHHHHH. Am I being arrogant? AHHHHHHHHHH. I am out of focus.
My thoughts are scattered. Let's regain some focus. There is a lot going on in my mind. Each thought trying to get more of a space in the center of my conscious self. And all I really want is to find peace. Should I try to meditate? Why does time slown down or speed up? Why is time so slow right now?
I am in love. In love with the thought of love. And it makes me sick to think that there is not such a thing as love. It truly breaks my heart. But I prefer not to focus on that.
I am sure there are good people around that are able to love. I can only hope.
And then we arrive to sex. Why are women so cold to me? Or am I cold to them? Sex is a part of life that which I am not familiar with but that which I look forward to. And yet, why is the world so cold to me when it comes to this part of life?
My thoughts gather around. They ask for a piece of me. I should meditate. I should find peace. I should love myself no matter what happens, I must realize that my worth is bigger than infinity. That the worth of myself as a person is boundless.
I can't help but to compare myself to others and this hurts me and I know it. I have always competed and I always will but it is true that I should try and not to care so much about it.
I am happy most of the time. Can finding love make me happier even? Maybe even having sex? Of course, it can, then why don't I look for it? But I do just not that hard. I am not used to working hard on those things.
My thoughts gather around. They ask of me. To deliver. My thoughts want to become action. They are like a storm. They are picking up in strength. They are wild and they will cause destruction. I want to yell. I want to let it out. It will cause a great commotion and much awe. I should take a moment to change perspective. Let's look ahead, what will happen after the storm? I hope I can be stronger and more mentally sane. More experienced. And more able to understand. To understand the world, humans and those various physical processes that makes the world go round.
After the storm, I shall climb back to the mountain that which the storm forced me off. Perhaps even climb higher. I am nothing if not resilient.
Love. Love. Passion. Strength. Kindness. Understanding. Wisdom. Transformassion. Love. Care. These are my favorite words. They are my mantra.
Grow grow grow grow grow grow.
My thoughts. They can shape my destiny. After all, my friend ghandi once said, "Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
To keep my thoughts positive. To still believe in people and love, right? Right?