Life is like a box of candy. It's been a while. Hello, world!
Since last I left, a lot has happened. So much so that my mind is confused. Well, I suppose that is nothing new. I am always trying to understand any why question but I end up always ever more confused.
I've been very busy with work. I don't really like working but what can you do? I mean it isn't super frustrating but sometimes it can be really mundane.
And hey, I have dreams and those dreams don't really align with the type of job that I have. But I do suppose it is better than other types of jobs I could be doing like being a waiter (I worked as a waiter once. I quit the first day).
Sometimes I feel like I am so busy I don't have the time to breathe. One more reason why to have a partner in life. They could easily give you CPR for any of those days when you forget to breathe. A partner that sort of grounds you to earth or takes you up in the sky depending on your preference.
I miss loving. I haven't loved anyone for a while now. It is kind of boring but it kind also makes sense. I have learned from my past mistakes that one should only truly love someone who can return the feeling, otherwise, it is kind of pathetic. Pathetic love...definitely not cool.
So, what's new in my life? I try not to say I am the smartest person in the world anymore. I talked to this person on the internet. He told me that it doesn't really matter who the smartest person in the world is. What matters is what the smartest person in the world does. And damn it! The world is full of smart people; I look at them and I am like "but what have I done?" I haven't really done anything amazing for the world as of yet. But just you wait, haters. Someday. I do have my foolish dreams.
I went of a few dates with the same person. I realized that there has to be some kind of chemistry going in a relationship, that is, people have to like their partners physically--because it doesn't really work any other way--regardless of how much you like their personality. At least it doesn't really work for me. Thanks to that date, I also realize I need to work more on not being so critical of others and work more on being the builder of others. Build them up like a palace. I will get there eventually.
Life keeps going. I haven't been as happy as before but it is because I haven't been working as hard at my dreams as I should. But oh well. Retrospect, I know what to do. I just need to do it.
What is like candy? Life of course. Sweet but short. Sometimes sour if it is old candy...that is if you are old. I truly do not make any sense. Why are you even reading this?
I want to run and sometimes I do when I play football/soccer. That is until I get tired and sit somewhere and read a book. Then everyone is like looking me thinking "who reads a book while waiting their turn to play a sport". I want to run not because I particularly like the act of running but because I enjoy the act of stopping to run
Something I learned a while ago and that which I shared with one of my friends is that it is all about environment (well 50 percent maybe) and my environment isn't that good (people I associate with are cool but not amazing like say successful people in their respective professions). I suppose I might be good for them at the very least. Environment will determine your future. "Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are". This particularly friend of mine didn't quite really understood what I meant when I told him it was all about the environment. I guess I didn't really do a good job of explaining myself.
I wanted to do some volunteering work with refugees. But then I had to go through all this red tape. I frankly don't really have time to deal with that. I suppose I can send them another e-mail demanding them to give me an interview. At some point in the future, I would like to be a teacher. Someone that can inspire students and help them be successful in life. Volunteering to teach will help with that.
Sorry if this is not very high quality writing. But I must write something. It's been awhile. I definitely don't want to lose the habit of writing. Whatever should do.
I must write. But what can I write about? What about the girl that I met at country dance? She is really pretty but I don't know anything about her other than her name. I guess I shouldn't talk about girls if nothing has happened yet. The way I felt when I had her close to me, though. A feeling that wished to not let her go. But hold on my horses, I should not fall so fast for people. At least, past experiences tell me to be a bit more careful. I am capable of learning.
Hard work! I must work hard! Work harder! I should not be afraid of failing. Well, I should be afraid of failing but not so much. And then I have to work hard to get where I want to be. Definitely leaves little time for writing. I never knew I could be so busy. I understand the people in my life who weren't able to do anything fun because they were too busy. And I just thought it was a lame excuse not to go out with people. I suppose if you really wanted to go out with someone, you would un-busy yourself no matter how busy you were. And it is back to being a lame excuse.
This should be it for now.
I promised myself today not to give up. But I don't remember what I was supposed not give up on. Was it my dreams? Or was it an abstract concept that could generally be applied to anything? Sometimes it makes sense to promise something to oneself but after sometime it doesn't really.
I am a hot mess.