I cried from time to time as a child like any other normal children. But I would sometimes cry for what I think are strange things. I would be playing chess with my brother and he will beat me. Then, he will make fun of me. He would say, "you lost, hahahaha" and "I beat you, hahaha". Then, I wouldn't be able to hold it and I would cry. I cried because I didn't like losing. Let alone knowing that all people know I lost at something. It would be accurate to say I had a fierce competitive drive since I was a kid.
I eventually starting beating my brother in chess, in videogames, and even at one point at wrestling.
So, I always wanted to be better than others. And this way of being might or might not have attracted bullies. I went to school one time and our teacher had us competing against each other. Whoever lost will be punished...the ones who didn't would not be punished (this is in Peru, by the way). So, I will do my hardest but I will fail and lose the first few times I was exposed to this. But after some time, I got good at it. So, I will not be punished. But then, I would see the people who were failing at it and I would make fun of them, "Haha, you are so dumb" and then they will get punished.
That was not the right way to make friends.
One of the particular "dumb kids" was a mean one. He would be so insecure that he will bully me physically. Now, I had it coming but I still hope you can feel sorry for me. He was bigger but not so good at school. And I was one of the young ones in the classroom. So, he had to take his revenge on me. He would beat me anytime he could. It wasn't very pleasant for me. I mean I still considered him an idiot but I wouldn't say to his face and yet he still would beat me up. I wanted to tell someone and some of the students that watched me get beat up actually recommended me to telling the adults. The only problem was that the bully told me in a very serious maddening tone of voice, "you tell anyone I beat you, I will kill you!".
I didn't want to die so I didn't tell anybody. I learned from then on to try and not mess with anyone. And if someone were to mess with me, I will have to fight my best to scare them into not bothering me anymore. It is most likely true that people don't really like feeling inferior to others. And they might react in violent ways.
I was very unfortunate to be the recipient of a very good joke one of my teachers made. He said, "Throw the garbage out" and for some reason, one of the elder kids thought he was talking about me. Everybody then laughed. And my new nickname was established. It was garbage. Now, being called "basura" every day in school was not very pleasant (please don't call me garbage or I might have to leave this site forever). And even though, I tried to fight back calling my aggressors bad names, too, they always seem to better at me at name calling. Then, I would get physically assaulted by this other guy. I was being bullied physically and verbally. This particular school was a hell for any sentimental 13 year old boy.
So, I didn't want to go to school anymore. I didn't want to suffer. So, I would tell my mom I was sick. And I will lie from time to time saying there was no class that day.
When my dad asked me whether I wanted to come to the United States I thought it was my golden opportunity to not go back to school ever again. Without any remorse I said "I want to go to the USA". I didn't say good bye to anyone in my school. I was all like fuck them all (just kidding).
So, all my family moved to the USA. All of my siblings are older than me. It wasn't fair for them because they didn't get to go to school in the USA. So, it was hard for them to make a life there. But for me, it was great. Except for the part that I didn't speak any English.
When I went to my new school, I decided I would never be bullied again. And at the first sign of someone making fun of me, I would kill them with my eyes. That stopped them.
Then I went to college at age 16. Everyone was older than me and it really sucked. I couldn't get a girlfriend. So, I started spending lonely nights in my computer chatting with teenagers from all around the world (who mostly spoke English). And that's when I got cyber-bullied.
I would basically act like I was better than everybody in there. And then they started to retaliate in groups. I had friends that turned into enemies. And then suddenly, everyone was calling me a cunt. I didn't think it was very nice. But then again, I guess I wasn't being very nice in there to begin with. I mean I called a girl ugly once I saw her picture. She didn't ever forgive me. And being the intelligent girl that she was, she made it her job for everybody to start hating me. It was fun being in that chatroom though. It was sort of fun getting a lot of attention. And hanging out with people around my age. And sometimes, the insults would be pretty clever. I am a sucker for clever things so I would think well this isn't very bad. But when the insults started being repeated over and over. I got bored. I went away to never come back except for that one time. At least, I didn't have to move another country that time.
I guess my point is I got bullied. And I also was a bully. If you want to escape bullying, there is always moving to another location far away from those who harm you. That's my wisdom. I haven't bullied anybody anymore. But then again, I don't really talk to people often. But I hope I can be less critical of others in my future relationships. It is good that it happened because I now can differentiate between words that help someone and words that put them down. I have now more empathy towards those who suffer. I also tried not to compete so much or compare myself to others. I have learned and grown from those experiences and if you think it worthwhile, I hope you learn from them as well. After all, I survived...more or less (not much romantic love in my life, I do have a great family).
Thanks for reading.